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查看最新留学文章您的位置: 中英网UKER.net > 留学资讯 > 英国大学申请 > 申请文书 > 着重点评:个人陈述的6类开头

着重点评:个人陈述的6类开头

中英网英国留学  www.uker.net  2012-02-10    编辑: Hely

编者按:伴随着留学申请的竞争越来越激烈,个人陈述在申请中的作用也愈加重要,尤其对于英国留学申请,个人陈述甚至会成为申请成功与否的关键,因此为留学申请人,尤其是DIY申请人提醒几点个人陈述写作的注意事项,注意避免以下6种个人陈述的写作开头:

伴随着留学申请的竞争越来越激烈,个人陈述在申请中的作用也愈加重要,尤其对于英国留学申请,个人陈述甚至会成为申请成功与否的关键,因此为留学申请人,尤其是DIY申请人提醒几点个人陈述写作的注意事项,注意避免以下6种个人陈述的写作开头:

一、重复简历型

I earned my Bachelor of Science degree in … Sciences with a specialization in … in 2002 at … university, which provided me with a profound background in atmospheric science. During this period, I received Outstanding Student Scholarship for my excellent performance in the academic field. I found that …is abstruse and interested, and there are so many things I did not understand. Thus I decided to learn more.

点评:个人陈述不要去重复简历中的东西,这在很多学校的PS要求中明确提到,个人陈述的写作要具体到事件上,事件解决上,而不要单纯重复已有的内容。

二、学校介绍型

I am an undergraduate in…University , the largest university anda cradle of scientific and technological talents in China. (…… University is a prestigious university of general education with 20 departments and a regular annual enrollment of 8,000 students ) I studied at ……(E. E) Department, ahighly selective department with a gathering of smart students who are hard to compete with.

点评:该同学的开头等于是一个申请学校的简介,这好像是在帮助学校做宣传,或表达你有多了解该学校,而不是写个人陈述了。这是没有意义的开头,白白浪费了字数,最容易被秒据掉。

三、抄袭句式型

As a student majoring in Computer Science, I began my odyssey since Ientered undergraduate program. Indeed, having entered this splendid computer world, I am more than greedy for something new.

点评:Odyssey 和more than greedy for something new 这种句式不知道是从哪里学到的,很多同学在用。但你要知道,老外最恨抄袭,最喜原创,所以利害关系大家想想吧。

四、救世主型

I am a problem solver. I have an impulse as a kind of instincts to solvevarious problems before me and enjoy doing that. Since I was a little boy, a voice from President Franklin Roosevelt has constantly hovered around my mind, "The world can be changed by man's endeavor, … He must ever be receptive and sensitive to the new; and have sufficient courage and skill to novel facts and to deal with them." And I have been longing to be the man to face and solve novel problems.

点评:一副救世主的形象,小时候就受富兰克林的影响,立志改变世界。个人陈述的写作一定要个人化具体化,别吹大牛,甚至带着一种霸权主义思维。

五、犹抱琵琶型

Making a right decision at the right time is very important for a young people .At present, I have come to a critical point in my life when I have to make a decision concerning my future course of action. Only a perceptive understanding of oneself will enable one to chart his proper action. Aftercarefully thinking, reviewing my life and analyzing my personality, I make the determination and choose to apply for graduate study in XXX. And I choose to specialize in communications which I will pursue a lifelong career.

点评:重点放在自己要做重大决定上了,人生的转折点,然后来上句所谓名言警句。浪费字数,有限的字数里,同学们应该学会直接,并且抓住重点,突出自己最有优势的方面,最有特色的方面。

六、言幼稚型

'Why the gecko can climb on the wall while we can't-' 'Why the leaves turn red in autumn' 'How many stars are there in the sky-' When I was in childhood, I always kept asking my mom all kinds of questions。I am especially interested in how things work, I can even take apart things for several hours in order to find out its principle. So most of the things in my family has been takenapart by me, from my father's shaver to my mom' motorcycle. I can even fix somesimple households, listened to other people's praise, to learn science well became my dream and felt the science will accompany with me in my whole life.

点评:上来就回忆童年少年自己如何有着远大抱负,who cares。个人陈述字数有限,却用这么多话描述童年,没有任何意义。学校想知道你如何看待未来,而不是如何度过过去。

综上所述,以上六种开头大家一定要尽力避免,出国留学申请人越来越多,申请竞争越来越激烈,大家精心准备的个人陈述希望成为大家被录取的亮点,而不是成为大家申请成功的绊脚石。

英国大学申请信息,请关注http://apply.uker.net/;更多英国大学专业信息,请关注http://major.uker.net/

关键字:个人陈述 DIY申请 

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